My co-op crush...

Hey guys, it's Helena again, and I just thought I'd give you all an update about how I'm doing and this time it's about my intense crush on this 17 year old boy from my co-op whose extremely sweet and cute I just can't seem to get his attention half the time, I know he's a little old by a year lol but I can't help it honestly, my depression has gotten the best of me and I've been self harming a lot lately
The day before co-op last week started I had a breakdown in front of the computer cause I was literally so scared about how co-op would go for me, as it was the week after I got a pic with Isaiah, and 2 weeks after I attempted to ask him out. The furthest I've gone with Isaiah was a hug and that's about it.
Co-op went okay, but I had a very hard time getting Isaiah to notice me, he DID however sit with me at lunch but that's about it. In drama, he devoted all his attention to this Angelika girl who was older than me by two years. *Sigh* why the hell do I have to be so damn young? All the guys I like are like 3-4 years older than me.
It's another reason why I do self harm. Me always being the young one, and the one nobody notices...and I'm also the bullied one but people could care less about that either. The thing that does boost me up is how my friends always ship Isaiah and I together, and how Micah's mom even thought we were a thing at first, which a lot of people are talking about "us" right now, even the people on hangouts. I'm honestly scared one day someone will harass Isaiah about getting with me though, I'm scared af to talk about it to him, but other than that yeah..and Isaiah didn't even say bye to me after leaving my drama teacher's house for a painting project yesterday so I got super duper upset about that, and that night cut my wrists in bed while looking at a picture of Isaiah and I standing together, which is the only fucking one we have together and he didn't even want this "withie" in the first place.
I do this all out of anger honestly, just hope my parents and doctors don't notice the cuts when I have to get my blood work done Monday which is tomorrow.



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