"Trying to overcome my co-op anxiety"

Hey guys, it's Helena here..I'm back with some more news/info. So, you all know I have a crush on Isaiah LIKE CRAZY...And that I hate that I'm only 13 whilst he's 17. Well, not only is this your "typical crush" it's a lot more than that, Isaiah has a little sister and she's like 11-12 years old, she's cute, sweet, has black short hair and wears it in a headband sometimes, but she also seems to ignore me...Me and her used to be good friends when I first joined co-op, but now things have seriously changed. Since the co-op moved to a new church the new school year, things just aren't as fun as they used to be because the drama class room, has turned into the gym area....and drama class is one of the few classes I even have with Isaiah. Then there's the shocking fact Isaiah's little sister...let's call her Iris. Iris has a BEST friend named Allie, and she has a ton of other friends including a girl named Lily, Allegra, Caroline, and a lot of other girls. So from what I heard, she's a "popular girl" at co-op, but not a mean girl or anything like that, at least I hope not. They all hangout now, and it's like Iris doesn't even talk to me anymore, and I mean AT ALL!!!!! It's been driving me nuts for the past I'd say maybe 2-3 months! Ever since I told her Micah and I were fighting she has been low key ignoring me, and I honestly don't understand, everyone else is her friend and gets to go to her house, and when they go to her house they get to see Isaiah there, like....why??!!!!!!

I've been going insane over Isaiah here lately and am OBSESSED with hanging out with him,

but I am far too scared to plan a hangout with him because of that one time, January 12th....Oh god please help me...! When extreme "crush moments" go on with Isaiah, where he is paying NO attention to me I hold myself back from a panic attack, especially that one time Jade and her sisters were trying to tell Isaiah CRAZY things about my crush on him, and I started breathing very very very fast when they wouldn't stop when I seriously wanted to, but I try to hold back my panic attacks because I don't wanna embarrass myself anymore than I already have in the past, and make more people hate me...but I can't help it! Ugh. What's worse, is Jade wanted to tell my mom when I started having a panic attack, I told her no I wanted to have my panic attack alone by myself, and It's even embarrassing for my own mother to see me freaking out like that, sometimes she's no help when I'm having a panic attack.

The good part, HOWEVER, is that I'm becoming good friends with people who are good friends with Iris. I went over to Allegra's house like a few weeks ago, maybe even a month ago? I don't exactly remember. But I did have a friend named "Jade" who is 12 years old, and she became my friend 5 months ago, in September or October I'd say. She's friends with Iris, and Allegra, and all them but not best friends like she was with me. So, in January Jade and I had a sleepover at her grandma's house, and we had a lot of fun, eating, video calling people, and so on. Well, sometime this month it all went downhill because she got angry at me for stressing out over Iris and Caroline and it turned out Jade had been making up lies about Iris and her friends to get on my nerves, lies like Iris was talking smack behind my back which literally made me cry. So, I told Jade that Iris was acting rude and billegerent for no reason and I didn't know why, and it stressed me out to the point I was crying. then she had gone off on me and she claimed that I was insulting Iris and being mean about Iris but all I was saying was they were acting rude from the things JADE was telling me about them, so Jade and I are no longer friends and it turns out she was telling lies just to fiddle with my emotions because she somehow thought I was fun. So Jade and I aren't really friends anymore, but Allegra and I are friends. And I'm getting to become friends with Lily and Allie and let me tell you this much- I MUST before Jade comes back to co-op, or else she might try to sabotage me. Because she's that kind of girl, if she was telling me lies about Iris behind her back, she will most likely tell Allegra and Allie, and Lily and them all lies too, about me. And I didn't get to warn Isaiah about it either last co-op day because I was too scared to do so, and Jade has Isaiah's phone number, I don't know how much worse things could get from there! I'm trying to bear with everyone here, but I must get the word out before Jade returns to co-op. Because I know the first person she will likely go to is Iris, or Isaiah.